Don't take it personally

One of The Four Agreements is a commitment to 'not take anything personally' and while this seems wise and admirable at first sight, it is in truth, impractical and unlikely when it involves someone you know and love deeply - of course it is personal because the relationship is personal.

The only time we can 'not take it personally' is when something happens between us and someone we do not know or care about or when life flicks a difficult situation our way, but when relationships are personal it is impossible not to take personally the hurtful things which happen.

It is the presence of hurt which signifies the depth of love that we have for another; it is the pain which signifies how much we care.

In a world where none of us took anything personally there would be no pain, that is true, but neither would there be love, compassion, joy, connectedness and the depth of feeling which holds us together in that fine dance between healing and hurting.

Because when we take something personally we are involved and most importantly, we feel! If we do this when we have no personal connection with someone or a situation then we need to look closely at what it is inside of us which has so 'personalised' it and see the feeling response as a guide to what is at work within us.

But if we are personally connected to someone or a situation then our responses are perfectly natural. If we did not feel we would not be human. If we did not feel we would not care. If we did not feel we would not love. It is the connection which creates the feeling response to our sense that we are involved and when the connection is about a family member or an old, close or dear friend then of course we are involved and of course it is personal.

Don't take it personally

Don't take it personally they said,
for that is where hurt lies
and the place where pain is waiting.
But it is personal, I replied,
because there is a relationship,
and reaching out is what is required.
Don't take it personally they said,
for that is just your ego at work
and your needs in regard to others.
But it is personal, I replied,
because it is the love I have
which seeks always to connect.
Don't take it personally they said,
for then you make yourself vulnerable,
and give your power to others.
But it is personal, I replied,
because our hearts are drawn together,
and our minds are intertwined.
Don't take it personally they said,
for that means you want an outcome,
and they will have you in their power.
But it is personal, I replied,
because that is the way of love
and love is birthed in need and pain and grief.
Don't take it personally they said,
for your life will be so much more complicated,
and disappointing if you do.
But it is personal, I replied,
and a life without complications
or disappointments is a life without compassion.
Don't take it personally they said.....
and I replied that love is pure connectedness
and its only condition is that we are personal.....
because we are persons seeking to know
ourselves, and the other and that can
never be impersonal if it is to be real.