What I would like to write to poetry editors, publishers and agents when I submit......

I offer you my poetry to read. Your acceptance or approval would be pleasant, indeed useful, but neither is indicative of any worth, or constitutes a reflection on me or on my work.

If you don’t like it that does not make it inferior or bad or unworthy, it just means it is not to your taste, at least at this point in time, because your taste results from many sources, including what which your peers and the world of poetry which you inhabit, deem to be ‘good.’

My work will either ‘speak to you’ or it will not and that will be regardless of how much you ‘like’ what I have said and how I have submitted. We both know that the how to submit rules are meaningless where there is appreciation.

We also both know from experience that success and talent are not synonymous and that fate, fashion, circumstance and dumb luck all play a part in how a submission is received.
Thanks for your time.

And when it comes to submitting novels to agents or publishers:

I do sometimes feel like writing in response, submitting according to sensible rules along the lines of:
I have no idea who would read my book; I have no idea what genre it really is; I have not a clue as to its market; I have no idea how to promote my book and no intention of doing so; I am vastly older than 30 and I am not the least bit interested in promotional activities, etc. etc. …. it is a collection of words which create a story so make of it what you will as any reader must!

p.s. I am not the least bit photogenic but I do have a ready wit and can hold my own in conservation.